Phyllis Sues just turned 94! In celebration of her birthday I wanted to share an essay she wrote for my latest book Advanced Style: Older and Wiser :

On the Internet, TV, and radio, in magazines and newspapers, everywhere you look—it’s all about age. I’m approaching my mid 90s. But what I really am is a yogi, tango dancer, jump-roper deliciously enjoying every breathing minute of a fantastic 92 years. 

I’ve had a very creative and active life from the minute I was born. Good genes and a good mom and dad. Challenge was part of my vocabulary at an early age. Living a successful dancer’s life in New York City in the 30s, 40s and 50s and performing in five hit Broadway shows Kismet, Oklahoma, Bloomer Girl, Brigadoon, High Button Shoes, and dancing to the choreography of Agnes De Mille, Jerry Robbins, Michael Kidd, and Jack Cole, that’s called living in style.

To be 92, or any age, and sedentary, and dealing with memory loss is no way to live. Aging can be exciting, creative, active, and even daring. But—that’s a huge but—it’s not easy to own this. It takes work, desire, and most of all loving what you do every day, every minute, every second, even if it’s washing dishes. I never questioned why I was on this planet. I knew instinctively I was one of the lucky ones. Now at the age of 92, I realize I’m not just lucky. It takes plain hard work to be in the kind of condition I’m talking about at almost any age.

I learned the word dedication when I took my first ballet class with the great George Balanchine. And that dedication has filled every part of me for 92 years. I use the word challenge constantly because that’s what it’s all about. I look for and long for challenge every waking moment. My mantra, “never give up,” is a driving force that will always make me a better dancer, yogi, jump-roper, musician, and even a better writer.

I mention “musician.” My mother was a concert pianist so it was only natural that I should also be a pianist. I did give it a go for a few young years, until ballet took over my life. Between the age of 14 and 75 the piano was far from a part of my life, until my mom passed away in 1993 and her beautiful Steinway grand piano was shipped to me. That was the rebirth of piano in my life and the birth of creative improvising, which led to the composition of six tangos for the album, Tango Insomnia, featuring piano, bass, percussion, violin, bandoneon, guitar, and flute, and a jazz album, Scenes Of Passion, featuring piano, bass, percussion, and guitar. My favorite song on Scenes Of Passion is called “Nite Time.” It’s a true story, and a piece of my life during my second marriage, and if you take it as a personal experience, it’s very meaningful. I can’t say I wish it had never happened because I firmly believe all that happens in life happens for a good reason and we’re not God, so we have to accept whatever comes in whatever shape or form.

Actually some of these things were not in my grasp until age 85, even trapeze.

I had one other career at age 50: fashion designer. That lasted 22 successful years. There’s no question, I’ve always been active in many ways all my life. And looking ahead, who knows what’s still out there? Whatever it is I’ll be ready. 

If I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m still very much here. What’s good about living is living. I rarely think about the number 92. As you know, it’s just a number. It’s what you do not how you count. 

I know you hate to hear this, but I’ll say it anyway. “If I can do it, you can do it!” Even though I have arthritis and osteoporosis, I don’t allow either of them to be active members of my life. And neither is cancer, which I conquered at age 79. 

 So you see—if I can, you can! That’s the title of my someday autobiography, If I Can! You Can!

More essays like this in the book HERE.

Allan: We’ve been together a little over 30 years. This is our second marriage. We met November 16, 1986 in New York City at The Arcadia Restaurant 61 East 61^st street where we had lunch and we’ve been together ever since that moment.

Dolores: But, there was a magic moment where our knees touched under the table and that’s where the sparks flew. I don’t think we’ve had one of those easy everyone’s happy kind of marriages. I think we were both very strong willed. We were already set in our careers and our lifestyle. We worked at this marriage.

Allan: Yes we have.

Dolores: And I think that’s what makes it work.

Allan: We had to come this place where we were both independent and we are pretty much there now. Of course I think that our marriage, our relationship is always a work in process and we each maintain our own places in life, we each have our own interests and we share many many wonderful times together.

Dolores: I think the thing that makes our marriage work is freedom, Allan gives me tremendous freedom to do, I mean look at me, I am the woman that he has allowed for me to create for myself.

Allan. It’s not a question of allow I could no more stop you than I could fly to the moon.

Dolores: And I also think its patience. When you get to where you have been married for so long that you finish each other’s sentences. That’s kind of where we are right now.

Allan: This is the best part of my life, being with her, and looking forward to spending time with her.

I first met Barbara Flood at one of the many vintage shows in NYC. A couple of months ago Sonia Boyajian, a friend from Los Angeles, invited me for lunch with Barbara and her longtime partner Stanley Dorfman. Barbara and Stanley have been together for decades, maintaining a long and happy relationship, while living across the country from one another. Stanley lives in Los Angeles and Barbara, New York. Stanley joked that they could have bought a mansion with the amount of long distance phone calls they have had over the years. After our lunch I made a date to come over to Stanley’s home to take some photos and interview them about their long distance love affair.

How long have you and Stanley been together?
B:Well we’ve been together a very long time, but I never do age  and I never do numbers, but we definitely have been together longer than 20 minutes.

Can you share a little bit about how you have managed to have such a beautiful relationship long-distance?
S:I have a huge phone bill and I do everything she says I should do.

B:I think we have such a beautiful relationship, long-distance. First of all we have something called the telephone and we are on it maybe 20 times a day. We talk to each other in the morning and we go right through til four in the morning the following day. So we have that intimacy of being together, even though we’re not, because we talk about everything on the phone and we also have email and we will have pictures. So we can connect with those mediums.

What are some the thing you share and have in common?
B:We love to travel. We travel all over the world, when we can, and we love to go to different places. We love seeing movies, we love traveling to museums, we love all our friends. It’s a very hectic life, it’s a very busy life and when I’m in California especially.

Differences?
S:I love to hang out and she likes to race around like the energizer bunny. After I’m with her and she leaves I have to tune up two weeks of rest because it’s too much. She loves theater musicals and I’m not crazy about musicals. Otherwise we have pretty much everything else in common. Our food tastes are hugely different but when we are around I have to eat what she wants.

Some favorite memories together?
B:Our most favorite memories are traveling together. We would like to go to the south of France. I have a huge amount of friends from all different ages, from all different lives. We have a very fantastic social life in California and in New York. From the music industry because he did so many wonderful television shows as a director of music and he knows everybody from the 60s and 70s. Me from my modeling career which combined everything together with people of all ages, styles types, and we put them altogether. We spend a lot of time seeing people we spend a lot of time with my family. You know I have two grandchildren here, I’ve got a delicious daughter-in-law, I have a superb son and we have wonderful times together.He has wonderful family in England and we go every summer and we spend a lot of time with them. He’s got granddaughter that he loves and we just hang out it’s what we do. We hang out with people and we just love it

How do you get through the difficult times together?
Oy

B:I’m a big fighter and if we have difficult times together I’m about to start yelling and screaming and carrying on and Stanley’s about to do the same thing but somehow after huge fights, or whatever it is, we start laughing and the laughter changes everything, but it might take a couple of days.

S:I’m not so sure about that.

How would you define love?
S:Define love, fucking hell I need to think of something really clever to say otherwise… OK definition of love is what I feel for Barbara.

Any tips for a long-lasting relationship?
B:Yes! Live apart, live in different countries, live in different cities, but talk on the phone a lot and get together as much as you can, but have different quarters and different lifestyles and then when you’re together you can try each other’s life style out and then it always works.

Having Stanley, for me it’s like having a best girlfriend. Somebody that you can say everything to, tell everything to, even when they understand it or not, because you know guys are much different than girls.He is my best friend and I can tell him anything and he’ll respond to it and I think that’s one of the most important things in the relationship. Whether its long distance or togetherness, you just have to have a best friend.

When Jennifer Dolan retired from a long and wonderful career working at The New York Times, she felt a newfound freedom to express herself through clothing. She had always loved putting together looks for the boardroom, but now at age 70 she has even more fun playing with chic and fearless styles (with the help of her daughter Amanda, owner of SparkPretty Vintage).